| | comment the boys and the girl |  |
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kaoru asegawa
Judgement
Jumlah posting : 433
Join date : 18.10.09
Character sheet
Name: Leine Rheusa
Race: Beast
Job: Countess
|  Subyek: comment the boys and the girl  Mon Nov 02, 2009 6:30 am | |
| Uhuk silahkan menghujat karya ngaco itu. Saya sendiri sebenarnya cuma suka sama
Pembicaraannya aja sih hahaha.
Silahkan XD mau flame pun tak apa
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Itsuki Tachibana
Jumlah posting : 252
Join date : 24.10.09
Age : 24
Lokasi : Indonesia
Character sheet
Name: Itsuki Tachibana
Race: Human
Job: Student/Gunner
| | Subyek: Re: comment the boys and the girl Mon Nov 02, 2009 3:13 pm | |
| Bagus juga... XD
btw, kenapa di setiap akhir paragraph ada kata2 'satisfied'-nya? ^^ |
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kaoru asegawa
Judgement
Jumlah posting : 433
Join date : 18.10.09
Character sheet
Name: Leine Rheusa
Race: Beast
Job: Countess
| | Subyek: Re: comment the boys and the girl Mon Nov 02, 2009 5:08 pm | |
| Itu yah buat cirilhasnya aja.
Iseng aja sih hahaha
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Itsuki Tachibana
Jumlah posting : 252
Join date : 24.10.09
Age : 24
Lokasi : Indonesia
Character sheet
Name: Itsuki Tachibana
Race: Human
Job: Student/Gunner
| | Subyek: Re: comment the boys and the girl Mon Nov 02, 2009 6:17 pm | |
| owh...
ceritanya lumayan juga... XD |
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kaoru asegawa
Judgement
Jumlah posting : 433
Join date : 18.10.09
Character sheet
Name: Leine Rheusa
Race: Beast
Job: Countess
| | Subyek: Re: comment the boys and the girl Mon Nov 02, 2009 6:24 pm | |
| Hahaha terima kasih.
Padahal saya cuma suka percakapannya saja.
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Camschatcensis
Jumlah posting : 96
Join date : 30.10.09
Character sheet
Name: Miria Fritille
Race: Beast
Job: Blood Hunter
| | Subyek: Re: comment the boys and the girl Mon Nov 02, 2009 8:28 pm | |
| PERTAMAX! XDD
Numpang komen ya~ keren looh pake bahasa inggris B-)
Cuma ada beberapa koreksi sama grammar-nya ^^
Cerita udah bagus, simpel, tapi agak klise juga xD;
Overall udah top, Nice job :) |
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kaoru asegawa
Judgement
Jumlah posting : 433
Join date : 18.10.09
Character sheet
Name: Leine Rheusa
Race: Beast
Job: Countess
| | Subyek: Re: comment the boys and the girl Tue Nov 03, 2009 2:55 am | |
| Makasih hahahaha.
Iya sih grammarnya ngaco, di microsoft word pada di underline ijo semua hahaha.
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Itsuki Tachibana
Jumlah posting : 252
Join date : 24.10.09
Age : 24
Lokasi : Indonesia
Character sheet
Name: Itsuki Tachibana
Race: Human
Job: Student/Gunner
| | Subyek: Re: comment the boys and the girl Tue Nov 03, 2009 4:37 pm | |
| ahahaha... XD
btw, tu buatan sendiri? o.O |
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kaoru asegawa
Judgement
Jumlah posting : 433
Join date : 18.10.09
Character sheet
Name: Leine Rheusa
Race: Beast
Job: Countess
| | Subyek: Re: comment the boys and the girl Tue Nov 03, 2009 7:57 pm | |
| Iyap pastinya
Mana berani saya publikasikan klo hasil copasan?
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Itsuki Tachibana
Jumlah posting : 252
Join date : 24.10.09
Age : 24
Lokasi : Indonesia
Character sheet
Name: Itsuki Tachibana
Race: Human
Job: Student/Gunner
| | Subyek: Re: comment the boys and the girl Wed Nov 04, 2009 5:39 pm | |
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kaoru asegawa
Judgement
Jumlah posting : 433
Join date : 18.10.09
Character sheet
Name: Leine Rheusa
Race: Beast
Job: Countess
| | Subyek: Re: comment the boys and the girl Wed Nov 04, 2009 8:38 pm | |
| Ke-keren? Hahaha
*mangap dan cengo* wkwkwk
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Itsuki Tachibana
Jumlah posting : 252
Join date : 24.10.09
Age : 24
Lokasi : Indonesia
Character sheet
Name: Itsuki Tachibana
Race: Human
Job: Student/Gunner
| | Subyek: Re: comment the boys and the girl Fri Nov 06, 2009 8:49 pm | |
| eh, jangan mangap terus, nanti da lalat masuk lho.. |
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Christopher R.U. Endia L.
Death
Jumlah posting : 319
Join date : 06.11.09
Age : 25
Lokasi : Within the darkness...
Character sheet
Name: C.R.U.E.L.
Race: Angel
Job: (Dark) Archangel
| | Subyek: Re: comment the boys and the girl Fri Nov 06, 2009 9:24 pm | |
| @^:hahaha
@Kaoru : emang bagus kok ceritanya,meskipun mungkin ada beberapa kata yg salah.
Mungkin..got worst itu harusnya got worse,yg menyatakan bahwa kondisinya jadi lebih buruk.Ato klo mw menyatakan kondisi yg terburuk,pke became worst. |
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kaoru asegawa
Judgement
Jumlah posting : 433
Join date : 18.10.09
Character sheet
Name: Leine Rheusa
Race: Beast
Job: Countess
| | Subyek: Re: comment the boys and the girl Fri Nov 06, 2009 9:30 pm | |
| Iya sih baru nyadar juga hahahaha
udah ada vrrsi koreksi grammar ngaconya sih cuma males ngepostnya *disepak*
terima kasih ^^
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OnZy
Jumlah posting : 45
Join date : 09.11.09
Age : 24
Lokasi : Southern Town
Character sheet
Name:
Race: Human
Job:
| | Subyek: Re: comment the boys and the girl Tue Nov 10, 2009 8:52 pm | |
| Keren ^ ^ Jujur aja... Kalau tu ide cerita dari kamu... aku kasih jempol sepuluh. Bodo amat masalah grammar, ga ada yang mencegah penulis buat menyalurkan isi hatinya kepada pembaca kan? dan aku suka banget kalimat yang berakhiran "satisfied" Kaoru-chan kalo aku boleh ngomong niey... "You've got talent"  |
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kaoru asegawa
Judgement
Jumlah posting : 433
Join date : 18.10.09
Character sheet
Name: Leine Rheusa
Race: Beast
Job: Countess
| | Subyek: Re: comment the boys and the girl Wed Nov 11, 2009 6:55 am | |
| Makasih XD
Well grammarnya sih emang penting supaya yang baca kagak salah ngerti XD
Makasih banyak onzy san XD
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OnZy
Jumlah posting : 45
Join date : 09.11.09
Age : 24
Lokasi : Southern Town
Character sheet
Name:
Race: Human
Job:
| | Subyek: Re: comment the boys and the girl Wed Nov 11, 2009 7:06 pm | |
| bagus lho ceritanya. buat lagi ya, Kaoru-san :) |
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Roux Hiver
Judgement
Jumlah posting : 209
Join date : 13.11.09
Age : 22
Lokasi : A place where winter is red and everlasting.
Character sheet
Name: Vein Skye Hiver
Race: Beast
Job: Nightwing
| | Subyek: Re: comment the boys and the girl Fri Nov 13, 2009 7:24 pm | |
| Oh, cerita ini. Saya sudah pernah baca xD
Beberapa ungkapan saya untuk cerita ini =
1. Banyak grammatical error, tapi terus aja berlatih, nanti bisa sendiri xD
2. Ceritanya bagus, saya suka. Tapi sepertinya lebih enak jika pemerannya diberi nama sehingga manggilnya mudah.
Hahaha xD _________________ When you think you're free, the truth is you're trapped into something |
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